I have spent the last several days looking at nanny jobs overseas, and it is making me crazy!!! I should probably stop. Aside from the fact that getting visas to nanny in foreign countries looks next to impossible, looking for these jobs is like crack. They're amazing.

until later...

What an effed up couple of days. Here's the story, in its entirety.

About 8:30am on Tuesday, I am laying on the Miller's couch and waiting for Anna to get up. I hear a VERY loud noise, like a gun shot. I jump (literally) off the couch to go check on the dog down the hall. Nope, the gate is still up. I am very nervous, as it has been about 20 seconds since the loud noise and I am smelling something bizarre. Is it smoke? No... hmm. I start back through the kitchen and can smell it in the kitchen... in the hall... in the living room. As I go back through the kitchen, I discover that something is leaking heavily from the cupboard. I open it, and the smell is so potent that it makes me gag. Upon further inspection, I find a large can of crab on the second shelf down that had apparently gone bad and exploded. BROWN LUMPY CRAB EVERYWHERE. On every jar, every condiment, every cupboard wall. The leaking had run down between the counter and stove, across the counter, and into the basket of kitchenware. The blast has blown the top shelf of the cupboard loose and crooked. And the smell, oh the smell.

I run upstairs, and realize Anna is awake. I tell her to stay in her room with the door shut until I figure out how to take care of the problem. I run back down with paper towels and cleaner and start to try and clean up the mess. People, this was like cleaning up an oil spill on the Atlantic with a kleenex. Because no amount of cleaner could take care of the smell. I go outside to call Kim after opening windows on the first floor. I realize that even in the front yard, the smell is drifting out of the windows and door into the yard.

After talking to Kim, I finish cleaning what I can, wash my hands, and take Anna to my house. My clothes reeked. The smell had soaked into my SKIN. I showered and the smell was still burned into my nose. If it's any indication, the professional cleaners told me that they clean rooms that dead bodies had been festering in, and this was the worst thing they had ever smelled. We went to breakfast and everything tasted like the smell. Horrifying.

So they kennel up the dog and decide to do a hotel for the night until the smell was gone. we all had a little laugh about it... ok, no. They all had a laugh, I was still feeling pretty sick all day.

Wednesday morning, Kim calls me and says they've gotten the health dept involved, and they want me to go meet them at the house and point them towards the garbage. And they want to ask me some questions. I was pretty freaked out when they put on rubber gloves and masks to get the crab can out of the trash and put it in a BIOHAZARD BAG. They were like "Don't worry, it's protocol." Ummm.... 'scuse me? I was up to my elbows in that shit yesterday, slopping it up with paper towels and Mr. Clean.

They give me a bunch of info of botulism and tell me they are going to call me every day to make sure I'm still feeling ok. Because why? Because symptoms could show in six hours... or ten days. Lovely. Super.

To make this incredibly long and ridiculous tale a bit shorter, I seem to be fine, not really worried. Millers are still in the hotel, because the house is now on lock-down as they clean it again with super crazy stuff.

Moral: Don't buy canned crab.

Ah, LJ.

So, I have been doing a bit of reflecting and inner-working thoughtfulness lately. Why I do the things I do. Why I choose to self-destruct, rather than be happy with people who make me happy. Why I don't try to do something more with myself. Why I get so grouchy.

I think I've come to the conclusion that I do, in fact, need a break from several aspects of my life. I have to stop trying to solve the mysteries of my past by jumping into the unknown full-force. I'm not sure what that is accomplishing. I try to embellish it by calling it "moving on, moving forward"... but really, it is just bad behavior that leaves me confused and irritated.

I have to concentrate on myself for a while. Who am I, and where have I gone?

Other news:
* pretty sure I fractured this toe yesterday. This will make for an uncomfortable week at rehearsal, to be sure.
* submitted three poems to the Gazette Literary Awards. This is me, pretending to exercise my skills.
* Got a callback for "Trailer Park". That's fun.

until later...

01. What are your nicknames?
Jen, Jen-Jen (Anna), Jenny (my family and anyone who knew me before about 2000)

02. How does your hair look currently?
disheveled... i wore it in a hat basically aaaaaaall day.

03. What's new in your life right now?
lots, i feel like! the cab show, robert, being in a largely good mood...

04. How many colors are you wearing now?
three. hot pink, black, and cream.

05. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
mostly extro, i am pretty outgoing and friendly. but i can be very intro when nervous or worried.

06. What was the last book you read?
i am currently reading two books... the latest installment of the georgia nicholson diaries, "stop in the name of pants!", and the second book in the wonderland trilogy, "seeing redd".

07. What was the last play or musical you saw?
"end of an error", i believe.

08. Who is your favorite super hero?
Batman, primarily. Also a fan of Spiderman. And the Powerpuff Girls.

09. Is there anything that has made you happy these days?
Putting the people in my life in the places they seem to go... and getting to know Robert better and better.

10. What's your current obsession?
i'm not sure i have one right now... everything is kind of too busy for obsessions. how about boots expert instant soothing lotion? it's amazing.

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
pretty long. usually about 45 minutes, if i don't shave.

12. What websites do you visit daily?
facebook, gmail, youtube...

13. Do you write fic? What was the last fic you wrote?
no. but i do write poetry. just.... not lately.

14. What's the last thing you laughed about?
i laugh about a lot of stuff. i laughed so hard i had tears streaming down my face at "the unborn".

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
"nicest kids in town". no thanks.

16. What's the last movie you saw?
in theatres: the unborn. on video: pineapple express... but i have seen it already.

17. Do you buy or download the movies you watch?
i buy a lot more movies than i should. a LOT more.

Man, I have been trying to upload this video to youtube for days... I think it's finally going to work. We'll see.

I seem to be coming down with a cold, which is most unfortunate. I'm doing this cab show in Comstock... and I'm in 13 numbers or something. And we have a month until we open. That is a lot of damn work between now and then.

So don't expect to see MY face too much. :(

until later...

Fine. Fine! So you're nervous about driving in the snow/ice. Whatever, that's cool. I mean, maybe you just moved here. Or perhaps, like every year before this, you've forgotten just how to drive in Michigan winters.

But please. I have somewhere to be. The speed limit is 55, and you're going 45... ok. It might be slippery for you. You're old/blind/crappy car. That's FINE. But when the speed limit drops to 45 100 feet later... DON'T SLOW DOWN TO 35!!! There is not a winter driving rule that says you must go ten under whatever the speed limit is. 45 was good enough for you in the 55, it should be good enough in the 45.

!!!!!!!!

until later...

I <3 this song.

"When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path
And up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my own footsteps once again

And you say,"Just be here now
Forget about the past
Your mask is wearing thin"
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin"
~Colin Hay, "Waiting for my Real Life to Begin"

And I am. I have a good feeling... it's about to start moving forward.

until later...

So, I really loved Panic's first album, "Fever You Can't Sweat Out". It was poppy, it was punky... it wasn't serious at all. It was just good, fun music.

With that said, I'm not sure why it took me so long to buy their sophomore album. Maybe it was because I hadn't heard anything (good OR bad) about it. No tracks played on the radio. It just kind of... released itself, then slipped into obscurity.

Thanks to a Barnes and Noble gift card for Christmas, I decided to take the plunge and buy the album. How bad could it be, right?

"Pretty. Odd." is AWESOME. I love it. It's everything I wish the new Fall Out Boy CD had been. They've dropped the exclamation point in their name, but they're still the same fun-loving band. One thing I can say for them, they are not afraid to make fun of themselves. Musically speaking, the album is quite a departure from their first release. The music is dreamier, most of the punk-edge glossed over and instead relying on a quieter sound. It's pretty apparent from the get-go that they are somewhat "poking fun" at the Beatles, and their own musical departure "Sgt. Pepper". I'm not quite sure how to describe the sound, other than eclectic. Country flavor? Ok. Something baroque, perhaps? Sure! And the lyrics are at times pretty purposely ridiculous, like: "Clouds are marching along, singing a song, just like they do. If the clouds were singing a song, I'd sing along, wouldn't you too?"

The album just works really well as a whole, from start to finish. I highly recommend it!

I have been combing through all of my old journal entries, and it made me really happy and really sad. Happy because there are some great, great memories buried in the oodles of journal entries I have stacked up over the years. I mean, I was 22 when I first got an LJ. That was before Facebook.... before MySpace... before even Friendster. That's the majority of my 20's chronicled for all time! But the part that made me a little sad was realizing how very little I utilize it these days. I'm not sure if I just feel like there is so little to talk about, or if it's just the fact that so very few people read/write these things anymore. BUT going back over my old stuff has made me realize that I should still be journaling, for the future me that will look back on old entries and smile. :)

So... life. Life is kind of weird right now. I have gone from being a complete whack-job a month ago to feeling... more or less peaceful. I don't know if it's the spirit of Christmas, or the dawn of a new year... or just me realizing that I am, in fact, my own person and responsible for my choices. No panic attacks in the last few weeks. I am calmly trying to move forward and accept my past as a part of my future, but not as defining it. And I am also happy to have met someone who is in such a similar place... and look forward to continuing to explore that. It's like I always say, when the timing seems most off, it is usually just right. Kismet.

OH! I have been watching soooooo much "My So-Called Life", because I have been on vacation for a week and a half. That show.... is amazing. I bought the DVD's over a year ago, but have been trying to spread it out over time because there is only one season. It is still just as wonderful as it was when I was 15, but it's funny to look at it with adult eyes. I watched the Christmas episode tonight, do you remember it? Juliana Hatfield guest starred as an angel? That is one of my favorite episodes of any show, ever. It's wonderful. I confess I cried my eyes out.

Tomorrow I venture back to work, no easy task after so much time off. *sigh* Also, as if the kids weren't enough on their own... the Millers have a new golden retriever puppy. Did I mention i'm not a dog person? Gee, I wonder who will be doing most of the work with this dog.


until later...

I have hit a new low, even for me.

I am playing D & D on Facebook.

Geek, geek, geek.

until later...

Ummmmmmm.... I'm going to do my first Late Night and I'm really excited.

Why?

I'm playing Princess Buttercup. "As you wish" Buttercup. That.... pretty much owns. And Nancy wrote the script. Extra exciting.

Also... President Obama. I couldn't BE more excited about this. His speech was awe-inspiring, I have been crying for days. In a matter of days, it feels like an amazing time to be an American.

Of course, there is the matter of Prop 8 in California, which is a DAMN SHAME. Samantha Ronson said this on her myspace:

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

2 steps forward..... 2 steps back

i guess people care more about farm animals than they do their fellow man, that's really sad to me.

yes, i am glad that the chickens will have more room and better conditions as they wait to die, but i just think it's frightening that people show more compassion for tomorrow's dinner than for the chef.

yup, miss piggy and chicken little may rest easy, but gay people in florida and california can no longer get married and gay couples in arkansas can't adopt children. g-d forbid a loving family (regardless of sexual orientation) give a needy child a home! there aren't children out there in dire need of love and shelter, no this country is thriving and no child is in need.

oh well, i guess one out of four ain't bad!

True story, Miss Ronson.

until later...

Today is suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper boring. And I want to play soccer.

Boo.

until later...

Well, the big half-marathon is said and done. It was.... amazing. I can't begin to describe to you how truly inspiring it was. My own goals aside, there were some pretty humbling things to see. People of all shapes, sizes, and ages were running. Blind people. A father and son, 60's and 30's, holding hands and crossing the finish line together. Watching the full marathon runners veer off, as the half-marathoners finish at what is the halfway point for the full marathon. Trying to catch up to some of the competitive walkers. The old man in his 70's or 80's who I ran by in the beginning of the race as he literally shuffled along... and who later passed me in the 12th mile.

And my favorite: as I was nearing the hill up to the bridge, I looked up- thousands of people were running across the bridge in front of me, moving as though they one giant body. The sun was just coming up beyond the bridge, and "Don't Stop Believing" came on my ipod... it was kind of an amazing moment that brought a bit of a tear to my eye.

Kenny, Julie and I all did well for ourselves. My final chip time was 02:14:42, about six minutes less than my original goal and one minute less than the goal I set that morning. 10:17 pace, not bad for my first half marathon. And with over 12,000 runners in the half-marathon, I finished in the top 25%. I'm totally sore, but I feel... great. Never in a million years would I have guessed I would do something like this someday. Anyone who knows me knows I was never a runner, the fat kid in middle school who completed the mile run in 18 minutes. In my mind, completing this 13.1 mile stretch really proves that you can do anything if you put your mind to it and work. Anything is possible, people.

And in 2010... the Disney World Full Marathon. Watch out!

I ran 10 miles this morning. It turns out, that's a lot.

I will be sore tomorrow. That makes for a grand total of 23 miles this week. The half-marathon is suddenly only a few weeks away, and I'm getting really excited!!!

until later...

Today is one of those days where I am sooooo tired... but thinking about all the good things in my life at the moment.  I was not so happy that I had to be at work at 5:45am... because that meant I had to get up at 4:45am.   Sometimes living a half an hour from my job is such a pain in the ass.  Besides the fact I have to overnight tonight and tomorrow night.  Yuck.  But it sure will make me appreciate the weekend, and extra money is surely a good thing.

What else?  Callback for Farmer's Alley Theatre Sunday, looks like some good talent on that list.  So that makes me pretty nervous.

Also, I adore my boyfriend.  He makes me crazy, but totally happy.

Um, that was an update about nothing.  Sorry.

until later...

Now, I know I'm not supposed to listen to John Mayer for several different reasons (ie I'm not in college anymore, the size of his head, the size of his ego, the way he blows through women, etc).... but.  You should check out his version of Tom Petty's "Free Fallin'".  It's actually.... kind of awesome.  Granted, I love TP and that is one of my fave TP songs.  But kudos to John Mayer for taking a good song and still letting it be good!!

until later...

Yo, LJ.

Let's see.  Summer.... appears to be ending.  This usually makes me really sad... but this year, I am ready.  I'm kind of looking forward to pumpkins and apples and fall-time type things.  Also, I am quickly approaching the year anniversary of canceling dessert, which is amazing.  Clearly, I am a rock star. 

So, what's new?

* Still playing soccer and running.  Although it hasn't been as frequent, and I definitely need to jump start again.  I'm trying supplementing running with other activities on "off-days" so that I don't get bored again.  And Tara Sytsma has somehow talked me into a Zumba class.  Why do I do these things?

* Auditioned for the new theatre last night, Farmers Alley.  I think this could be a really exciting prospect.  Good people who are good directors and we can learn from... and directors I haven't worked with or haven't for a long time.  Very cool.

* Cait Ryan is moving into my apartment the first week of September... I'm totally jazzed.  I have a feeling this will be a good combo, her and I... so I am feeling pretty optimistic. 

* Things with Eric are going well... he is developing this new game system (20-sided di game, not video) with Becca that is taking up a lot of time, but he is really excited about it.  I looked over the book last night, and it's pretty freakin' cool.  Definitely a lot of time and effort spent on that. 

* I'm starting year three with the nanny job... that is a lot of time I didn't think I was going to spend doing this.  But the money is good and I do love the kids.  So... despite the headaches, here I am.

That's about it for now... hope all is well out there!  I'm shooting good vibes out to a bunch of you.

until later...

"Dark Knight" opens thursday... I can't actually see it until after the weekend, which totally sucks, but I will attempt patience.  But I am feeling some sadness about Heath Ledger creeping back up, which is strange. 

I don't remember if I mentioned that I took 3rd in my age group at my most recent 5K last weekend.  I think that makes me an official runner.  I'm planning on running a half-marathon (that's 13.1 miles, kids) in October... so I have a lot of work to do.  The most I've gotten up to is about 6.5 miles. 

I adore my boyfriend.  If you wondered.  :)

until later...

I wonder if someday, when Michael Jackson dies and we find out he had some horrifying disease, we'll feel bad.

In other news, I am impatiently waiting for money from Dubya.  I got m letter telling me it's coming a couple of days ago... and now I reeeeeeaaaaally want it.

My dentist bill does, too.

Mmmm, I left sushi at my mom's. It's so lunchtime. 

gotta go!
 LOL

until later...